K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
