You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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