so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
