dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
