Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
