im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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