a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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