I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
