Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
