I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
