i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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