Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
