??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Let's get the cat blown out
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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