Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
