If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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