it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
