Who did Billy Mays play for?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
