so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
