You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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