My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
