come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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