K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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