I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
