According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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