I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
When are your genitals available?
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