Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
