DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
