Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
