Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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