I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
