Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
