Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
