i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
