I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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