Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Who died my cat blue again?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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