One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
