So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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