I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
