no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
