All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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