just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
