You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
