really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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