North Korea, Best Korea!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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