Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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