so that wasnt chicken after all
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
