don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
