# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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