I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
