He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i think i just lost a toe
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
