Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
