the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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