I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
