I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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