Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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