There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
