I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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