New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
