the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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