honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
