We won't sleep together?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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